Welcome to our weekly agony-column for confused (post)grad-students--Dear Labby! This week's letter is about how we deal with pushy colleagues with a rage problem.
Dear Labby,
I think I'm going to go crazy. There's this one PhD student in the lab who demands a lot from other students but never contributes anything. She wants everything done her way and she doesn't communicate well (since her English is really terrible). One time I asked her for some help with the protein purification since she's supposed to manage the HPLC, but she says she has no time and locked her office door on my face. Another day, she came up to me for some network problems because I manage the lab network/computers/webpage and when I told her I had no time, she kept on bugging me every 5 minutes and shouted at me, telling me it was my job to fix these stuff.
I am totally going berserk, I want to slap her face and kick her ass.
Raged Geekette
--
Dear RG, I suggest that the next time you leave for the lab, don't forget to bring a bar of soap stuffed in an old sock. Wait for her around a blind corner in the building, then beat the living daylights out of her. Rinse and repeat.
Or, you can follow one of the interpretations of the idea of "freedom of speech" in the US--if she calls you a lazy, good-for-nothing bastard, call her a lazy, good-for-nothing bastard, too. You may want to throw in some extra goodies, like how her father is a hamster and her mother smelled of elderberries.
Now, with due seriousness, I ask--is she a senior PhD student? Does she have good lab office clout among the students? And with her PIs? And when she reamed at you, was it in public, in front of other colleagues or even your bosses? Or was it a private thing?
Now, how do these questions really matter with this situation? A lot, in fact--because actual physical retaliation from your part may backfire if you do act on my previous suggestions. But, speaking from personal experience, if you act classy (and professionally), you will be able to put her back in her place. That is--
Keep. Your. Cool.
People who literally explode with verbal abuse aren't really worth your while to lose your temper. These folks are literal drama queens, who want to get any sort of reaction from their victims, because those reactions feed their ego and make them feel stronger and at the top of the pecking order. Bonus points for them if these reactions are of submission, or even of equal verbal aggression.
So, by keeping your cool, you actually starve those demons in them AND present yourself as a very unpalatable victim for their egotistical needs.
Did you tell her why you had no time, in clear, concise terms? If you did so, and she still rages onto you, just raise your hand and say, "Nu-oh, sweetheart! I have a pair of feet, and I realize that can use 'em", then walk away. But note down the date and time and circumstances of the confrontation, and inform your supervisor ASAP.
I hope this helps you get through the week working with her, RG!
Hugs,
Labby
--
"Dear Labby" is a collaborative effort by this blogger and her fellow PhD students in different fields of research. Got a social (lab office) head-scratcher to share? Use the comment box below!
No comments:
Post a Comment